The Payback
A motorcycle
patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operatedand advised him that all was well. However,
the patrolman kept feeling somethingpulling at the hairs
in his crotch. Worried that itmight be a second surgery
the doctors hadn'ttold him about, he finally got enough
energy topull his hospital gown up enough so he couldlook
at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across
his pubic hair were threewide strips of adhesive tape, the
kind thatdoesn't come off easily. Written in large black
letters was the sentence, "Get well soon....from the
nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week!"
WIFE FROM
HELL
A police officer pulls over a speeding
car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour,
sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it
on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'
Not looking up from her knitting the wife
says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't
have cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket, the
driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please
keep your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You
should be thankful your radar detector went off when it
did.'
As the officer makes out a second ticket
for the illegal radar detector unit fitted in the car he
had just pulled over, the man glowers at his wife and says
through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your
mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice
that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic
$75 fine.'
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer,
I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so
that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very
well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear
your seat belt when you're driving.'
And as the police officer is writing out
the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks,
'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'
The officer looks over at the woman and
asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
'Only when he's been drinking.'
