I am the "Fool on the Hill"; "I am The Walrus" and "The Eggman"; I am "The Eye of the Tiger" and "The King of the Hill". I am an Enigma and a Mystery ... I am the Guru of The Cosmic Cauldron.



The Payback

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operatedand advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling somethingpulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that itmight be a second surgery the doctors hadn'ttold him about, he finally got enough energy topull his hospital gown up enough so he couldlook at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair were threewide strips of adhesive tape, the kind thatdoesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon....from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week!"


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit fitted in the car he had just pulled over, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

'Only when he's been drinking.'

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